Ukiah Daily Journal (Ukiah, California) 24 September 1995 Page 7
fThere's one born everyday * »• > Did you ever get a funny feeling there's stuff going £ on out in the "real" world that you never knew about? v. It's that feeling that somehow forces are at work that have thankfully passed you by, but that leave you feeling feeling somehow gypped for not having been aware of them? Today I got that feeling when I opened a package that arrived on my desk titled "Selected Business and Franchise Opportunities." This is from an organization organization called Trump Card Marketing. "Inside: Your , ( View to a More Successful Future!" I opened it right away of course and found a fistful of postcards which I began to sift through. . The first one read, "The Most Important Money/ Power/Romantic-Love Discovery Since the Industrial , Revolution." Wow. I read on. "An entire new field of knowledge has been discovered discovered ... Neo-Tech." Like many such advertisements, it ,'ddes not say exactly what Neo-Tech is, but if you (pay ;, to) learn about it you'll have discovered The Most 'Important Money/Power ... well, you get the idea. There's a photo of a totally nerdy guy who looks like a "1950s bank president — no, make that vice president ~ witluhe .caption, "No one pan.spot the Neo-Tech K.C. Meadows «r ; 0 reporter for The Daily Journal. K.C. Meadows/ HERE AND THERE man/ fhe card goes on and on about the "Neo-Tech man" without really saying anything until the very end: "All except the Neo-Tech man will die unfulfilled." Whoa, hold the phone here, that's pretty strong stuff. Luckily for we women out here, this obviously does not apply. I went on to the next card. "Control Millions of Dollars of Real Estate for $1 — Make Hundreds of Thousands of Dollars." These folks — Information Services in Westbrook, Conn.—at least give you an example of how it works: "Option a home for $1 with a value of $150,000 and sell it for $85,000 and make a quick $10,000 profit. Option land for $ 1 with a value of $200,000 and sell it for $100,000 and make a quick $25,000 profit. Option property worth $IOQ.OOQ and sell part pf itfor,$5Q,QOO and keep, part of it .for free!" ..""/ '..'.' Is anyone doing the math here? Real estate agents in the audience will love this advice: "Agents love the opportunity to sell property for half its value or less. They will do all the advertising for you and their commissions commissions will come out of the profits." Sorry, sounds too complicated to me. Next card. "Build Your Dream Home and Career—Keep Present Present Income — Full or Part Time — With Unlimited Income Opportunity — No Experience Necessary." Darn, there's goes that Harvard education down the drain. Aha, now we get to the meat of the proposition. This plan requires you to sell Eagle's Nest kit homes. And all you need is a $5,000 deposit. Hmm. Next card. "How Can You Earn $300 in Just One Day? Become a Mortgage Consultant!" Now this really makes me feel confident about the mortgage consulting consulting industry. And I love it's assertion that you will be "offering 52 million homeowners needed services," while in a box right next to that it says "Cost to homeowner homeowner — $395. Your profit — $300." Really doing the homeowners a favor are we? Uh-oh, $395? That's your "security deposit." Next. Here's one we've been waiting for. "Stay at Home and Get $60, $90, even $ 180 per hour recording video tapes." It says there's no pornography or copyright infringement infringement involved. Do we believe that? Next. Ah, here's a promising one. "Retire Filthy Rich Mailing Post Cards." Hey, wait a minute. Mailing post cards is the one thing in life I have consistently been unable to accomplish before returning from vacation. This isn't for me. Next. Here's one that intrigues: "Earn up to $900 a month for the next few months." Not Earn Up To $900 A Month Forever! No, just for the next few months. This one promises to show you how to file tax returns for other people "even if you have never prepared a tax return in your life!" If that's the case, the IRS wants to chat with you. Next. This next one sounds like it's me: "Proven earnings! earnings! In little-known spare-time home business! No selling! No mail order! No employees! No real estate!" So far so good. To find out about this I have to send away for the Free Audio Cassette and 44-page Report. Want to know what that cassette says? Here's my guess: "Dear subscriber: Here's an advertisement for Neo-Tech. Call Trump Card Marketing about placing this ad in their next bulk mail and watch the cash start to flow! Good luck!"