The Philadelphia Times from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania • Page 10

THE TIMES PHILADELPHIA, SUNDAY MORNING, OCTOBER 2, 1887. 10 his expenditure. Using every meant to in aperient alterative and diuretic qualities, risk of such fermentation occur "A If BW GROUSE ON THE PRAM own words, "Ijistdumped the whole blamed thing into the drug trade." Of course this proceeding was a flagrant IIMJA1S. The Mixtures ani Mett Employed to Swindle the Putilic. A GOUIB IN GATS.

HOW A BOY NAPOLEON FINANCE GOT EVEN WITH VANDEREjLL A Millionaire's Nerves Disturbed by Nocturnal Caterwauling. The Gamin Hade Him Pay Very Dearly For Violating a Contract. From the Boston Transcript J. he Listener has a new story of Commodore Vanderbilt, which comes to him from a source so likely to be authentic that he cannot doubt it. The commodore, as most peo pie know, did not take very kindly to re moving from Staten Island to New York city when his affairs began to prosper, but was compelled to do so in order to be near his business.

He bought a house just in the outskirts of the city, whore jie thought he could be sure of comparative quiet. Ha found a comfortable place close by a graveyard, with not many houses about him, and settled down. The first night he spent' in the new place was a terrible revelation to him. Instead of the absolutely qniet surroundings of his iBland home he had an atmosphere vocal with tho yells of what seemed a thousand cats. The neighborhood must have been, he was convinced, a favorite resort for all the cats in the city.

They rendezvoused in the graveyard and flocked on his back fence and perched on hfa shed roof and caterwauled madly all night long. He slept scarcely five minutes at a time. The next night the same performance was repeated and the next. Instead of getting used to it the commodore was getting more and more nervous and slept less and less. The wear and tear began to tell on him.

Vanderbilt had his boots blacked every. morning by a lad who had stationed his box not far away, making an arrangement with the boy in order to get the shine reasonably cheap. One morning he sat down in the boy's chair with such a weary air and with so haggard a look on his face that the boy asked sympathetically Wot's de matter, customer The commodore, for want of a better confidant, opened his heart to the bootblack and told him the harrowing tale of the cata. boss," said the boy, "if I'll clean out all de cats for you "What'lllgiveyou? Why, I'll give you a dollar apiece for every cat you kill in my yard," said the commodore. "All right customer," said the bootblack, "I'll be there to night." That night the commodore slept as he had not slept since he left Staten Island.

He woke in the morning with the delightful sense of having slept only about fifteen minutes, and yet knowing that he had slept soundly all night. When he went out he found his bootblack sitting on the front step. How'd you sleep, boss?" asked the boy. "Splendidly, young man, splendidly." "Hear any cats?" Not a cat. How much do I owe you Come round in the back yard an' we'll see," said tho boy.

They went around to the back yard. TherQ WerA two rnilffh.lw itintv vnnnmtuM either 'n very hot or very cold weather. Of the effects of this acid on the human stom ach the less said the better, at least from the doctors noint of view. The result of his concoction is a thick, muddy, evil smelling and horribly tasting mixture, from the sale of which he has made over It is certainly "a good enough medicine" for him. BY ANT OTHER NAME.

As the agency field is in time worked ont and the sales of the great remedy begin to fall off our medicine man resorts to an in genious scheme to utilize bis vast aggregation of "names." He puts up his remedy in bottles ot a different shape, gives it a new title, prepares a new and thrilling pamphlet and runs it ont from a different address. This enables him to work over the same ground a second time, and this operation may be repeated ad infinitum. Usually he makes no change in the composition of his remedy other than to add a little aniseseea, wintergreen or other flavoring, to slightly change the taste, or perhaps to substitute acetic or carbolic acid for muriatic as the preservative. My medicine man had sent out nis remedy, identical in all respects ex cept as above indicated, nnder five different from as many different addresses, simultaneously. In this way he was enabled to suit all tastes, with most gratifying pecuniary results.

A LOTTERY. It must not be supposed that all remedies of this class meet with success. Probably not over fifteen per cent of those launched are successful. "It's pretty much like drawin' a prize in a lottery," said Dr. Swin dlemi' It's mostly the 'story' does it, and it's curious, too, how queer the public are regardin' what strikes 'em.

I hed one story writ for me by a New York newspaper feller, an' I tell yeu it was a daisy. All about adventures' in South America and Jesuit missionaries and a lot of stuff. I thought it orter knock 'em silly, and I sent out 300,000 pamphlets, I'll be if it didn't fall perfectly flat only caught a few agents, and they couldn't seem to sell any medicine. It looked like a dead loss all around but I considered a spell and then got another feller to write me up a new story. He wrote one about findin a bottle floatin' around In the middle of the Atlantic and this bottle had a paper in it that told about the of a young German doctor who had been to the interior of Africa ex plorin'.

He had discovered a wonderful plant that'd cure pretty nigh everything in the way of disease and was on his way home to give out his discovery and make his for tune when the ship he was a sailin' in took fire and burned up. When he saw there was no hope of bein' saved he put an account ot tne nndm' or the plant in a bottle and hove it overboard. The bottle had been floatin around over eighteen years when it was picKed up, and the ship had never been neara el since sue set sail. Well, sir, when we come to send out that story it caught on tremendous, and we had all we could do to nil orders, and it was the same identical medicine all the time. That's only one case.

but I know of a dozen. I tell you the story is tne main thing and no mistake. THE TESTIMONIALS. The question is freqnently asked are the testimonials to the efficacy of patent medi cines, so. constantly printed, genuine.

To this my mentor replies in the affirma tive. At the outset in the first ad vertising of a new remedy bogus testimonials must necessarily be used. These are easily arranged by using fictitious names and the addresses of employes of the manufacturer. Within a month or two genuine testimonials begin to pour in, and accumu late by the thousand. Whother it is i peculiarity of the American people to hunger atter tne cneap notoriety acquired by writing testimonials, or from what other cause, certain it is that nothing is easier than the obtaining of genuine testimonials of the efficacy of.

any, patented remedy, however worthless it may be. JJy tne way, the term "patent medicine" is a misnomer, since proprietary remedies cannot be patented, except by making public the formula, which is usually about the last thing the manufacturer would willingly do. He can register his trade mark, however. and copyright his pamphlets and in that way secure all necessary protection. The removal of the internal revenue stamp tax on proprietary medicines a few years ago was a great Doon to tne fakirs, as it ronre sented about forty per cent, of the cost of tne article when placed on the market A CUBE ALL IS THE THING.

My fakir has a poor opinion of specialty remedies. "Give me a cure all" he said emphatically, "somethin' that's good for every complaint goin', and kin be used internally or externally, any way you like." Them's the oniy kind that's got any money into 'em." The popular prejudice against mineral remedies is worked for all it is worth by the medicine fakirs. They incessantly sound the warning, beware of mineral poisons," although they have no scruple about employing mercury in heroic doses in some of their preparations. Iheir theory of treatment is based upon the assumption that all disease is caused by impurity of the blood. Go to the root of the matter," thoy cry "cleanse the blood and banish disease, for the blood is the life." The average fakir is extremely fond of working in Scriptural quotations in his pamphlets and circulars at every opportunity and strives in every way to throw the mantle of philanthropy over his purely mercenary schemes.

Sometimes he is a physician retired from practice, who makes publio tho results of experience and research for the benefit of humanity. Or perhaps he is a worthy Quaker, who thees" and thous" his intended victims and is particular to enjoin upon them that he is plain Friend Hiram Brown," not or "Esquire." "Shaker remedies" have been extensively exploited and proved a good card, from the well won reputation of the simon pure Shakers for noncst dealing. Sometimes our fakir is an old nurse of vast experience aud rare knowledge a Sister of Charity an Indian missionary a uat uralist or explorer; indeed, he is a veritable chameleon in the way of change: but in whatever guise be appears and with whatever plausible fictions he may clothe his noxious nostrum he is a fraud of the most pestilent character, the cause of incalculable suffering and not a few deaths. SOME FAMOUS FAKIRS. Large Fortunes That Have Been Made Upon Small Capital.

The number of those who have made con siderable fortunes at the business is not very large, but a few men have been phenomenally successful. One of the greatest of the fakirs is a man who of late years has been better known as a crack shot at pigeon matches than through his connection with his alleged remedy. A glance at his history may prove interesting. His father was a worthy baker in small town in New Jersey, and the future fakir was, brought up to that usoful trade. An inborn preference for living by his wits lodhim to abandon his trade, and his first stroke for fortune was a peddler of table sauce.

Then he boated on the Morris and Essex Canal was agent for a cheap sew ing machine; made a season with a circus as canvasman originated and peddled a pile salvo; and finally, after a lucky hit in a fruit speculation, determined to enter upon the praotice of medicine. Having the means to pay for it he soon obtained a diploma from one of the curious medical colleges that formerly flourished in this vicinity and decided to favor New York with his first essay in the heating art. The attempt was disastrous, and after some protty tough experiences, during which he narrowly escaped starvation, he secured work as a packer in the factory of a patent medicine fakir, doing considerable business on the agency plan. HOW A FOBTU1HD WAS MADE. Remaining there long enough to learn all the details of the business, and, more important still) to discover the composition of the remedy, the death of a relative brought him a legacy of $1,600 and he determined to start a rival establishment First however, jie eonimlted a seeross, a soventh daughter of a seventh daughter, or something of that kind, at to the prospects ot success.

This reader of the stars assured him that any business enterprise In which he engaged on the ensuing 1st of June would be remarkably successful. Our would be medicine man accordingly waited three months for that auspicious day to dawn, and then launched hit scheme, offering a medicine exactly alike in every particular to that of his late employer, but with a new and tak ing name, and a most alluring pamphlet, upon in afflicted world. To the capital with which be started he added every cent of the return from tales, saving a personal allow anoaaiflSptr.weekjto which he limited crease the number of agents, the busi ness grew with astonishing rapidity, and at the end of a year his balance sheet showed a net profit of a little more than $90,000. The second year's business showed the astonishing profit of and while there was a slight tailing off on the third year, it was made no by the increased sales ot the tourtn. The close of the fifth year found the lucky medico tne possessor of a clean million in good real estate and United States bonds.

Then he withdrew from active participation in the business, but put a shrewd manager in charge, and has since derived trom it an income of some $50,000 a year. There has rarely been an instance of a more easily or quickly won fortune. A FAMOUS FAKIR. The late Ellis H. Elias, sometimes men tioned as the inventor of the "sawdust game," or bogus counterfeit money racket, who died in New York a few years ago, leaving some $250,000, the remains of a much larger fortune, to be fought over by a miscellaneous assortment of alleged wives and undoubted mistresses, once took a flyer as a patent medicine man.

Elias had experimented with an endless variety of schemes for enticing the coy dollar from the nnwary granger and usually with brilliant success. His famous Dollar Store," on Broadway, opposite Bond street, with its bevy of pretty saleswomen, will be remembered by thou sands. Scenting the enormous profits of the patent medicine trade, he embarked it under the tutelage of the former manager of one of tne most successful of the medicine men. This success was immediate and brilliant for a time, but shortly losing the services of nis mentor he tried an unlucky experiment in compounding the medicine with the result that thousands of bottles in the hands of agents fermented and exploded like so many bomb shells, with disastrous results to the speculation. His preparation was called, if I remember rightly.

The Great Parisian Blood Producer," and was put np in very large bottles with showy labels printed in several colors, bearing a picture of the French Academy of Medicine, from which it claimed to emanate. THE PARISIAN WATCH. Elias had a singular, almost superstitious, faith in the use of the word "Parisian" as a means of attracting the gullible. One of his most profitable schemes was the Parisian Watch Company," which sent forth a hand some pamphlet recounting the early trials and struggles of Louis Jean Victor Durand, the talented inventor of the machinery by aid of which the company were enabled to manufacture watches so cheaply as to retail them at the surprisingly moderate nnce of eacn. I hie pamphlet contained a por trait of the inventor, views of his birthplace and ot tne extensive factories of the com pany, all, it may be needless to add, equally mythical witn the inventor himselt.

The scheme was delightfully simnle. In tending purchasers of these wonderful time pieces who forwarded their $4 received neither watch nor explanation, and no notice whatever was taken of their frantic complaints. Care was taken to send no pamphlets to persons residing within three or lour hundred miles of New York, it being shrewdly conjectured that few would incur the expense of so lone a iourney on the chance of recovering their money. At that time the Post Office authorities had not perfected the present system of hunting down thoso using the mails for fraudulent purposes, and the swindle had a much longer lease of life than might have been supposed possible. Elias was a man of boundless resource.

He kept quite a large staff of salaried employes, who were paid aud liborally paid, too whether actually at work or not. He even had a salaried lawyer to look after the many complications arising out of his peculiar enterprises, and, althougb often in trouble, always escaped any unpleasant consequences, in which respect he was luckier than several ot his lieutenants. I believe George Parker, recently in difficulties through the operations of the Anglo American Claims Association, of which he was the manager, was an eleve of Elias'. Parker's enterprise was ex actly such a one as Elias would have delighted to plan. BASE COUNTERFEITS.

One of the most annoying experiences of the medicine man, my particular fakir tells me, is the frequent starting of base and unworthy imitations by ambitious employes, who have acquired more or less knowledge of the components of the genuine medicine. "It's astonishin'," he said, with a meditatively reproachful air, how cussed ongratcful men kin be. Why, in four years I hed thirteen clerks leave me and set up oppo sition agin me. They copied my medicine, pamphlets, circulars and everything else, and hod the cheek to warn people to beware of imitations. Good thing for me there was jest thirteen of 'em unlucky number you know, for they all busted but they made me a lot of trouble, though, with some of my agents.

Beckon we had to write about a million letters before I could get 'em satisfied which was the ginuine article." Reverting again to the element of uncer tainty as the success of a new medicine, he It 8 more like a lottery than any thing else I can think of. You see, there's no way you kin tell what's going to hit the public fancy. Sometimes pills is all the go, and then agin it's mixters. One time I tried puttin' up my stuff in solid form, sort of cakes, you know, with directions for dissolving 'em in water. It don't cost near as much that way as in bottles.

But it wouldn't work, and I lost a heap of money by trying it. Then agin people seems to take a prejudice agin some medicines, no matter how much you advertise 'em. Look at Helmbold's Grape Pills. They was put up the prettiest of anything I ever see, and the best advertised, too, and I'll be hanged if you could give 'em away. I reckon that was what broke the old man.

Anyway, he went all to pieces just after the pills fizzled out, and I've always heard say that's what done it." CURIOSITIES OF THE TRADE. Among curiosities in the way of patent medicines may be mentioned Himalayan Moss Oil," a sure cure for consumption, prepared as I am assured by the pamphlet which relates the strange manner of its discovery, from a peculiar moss found only on the loftiest peaks of the Himalayas. It may be gratifying to geographers to learn that these hitherto inaccessible heights have been scaled at last. The remedy is shown by analysis to be a simple preparation of Carageen, or Irish moss, a common specific for coughs and colds. I have also met with a Gravel Destroyer, an infallible remedy tor that painful affliction vide pamphlet which is nothing more or less than ordinary castilesoap rolled up into Brobdignagian pills.

A vermilnce equally infallible for the re moval of tape worm is merely pumpkin seed oil and another remedy for gravel is a pleasant mixture of sherry wine and olive oiL INCIDENTS OF THE TRADE. The Enormous Correspondence It Entails. Keeping In With the Express. One feature of the agency system of sell ing medicines is the vast amount of corre ipondence it entails upon the management. Imagine forty thousand agents, of nearly as many degrees of illiteracy, consulting by mail the learned doctor" on a few of the chronio cases in which the medicine is being tried on the no cure no pay" plan, with verbose details of Bymptoms and effects produced.

The bare thought opens up a vista of nnending horrors. The fakirs, as a rule, take great pains to establish a good name with the various express companies. They never question rates, pay all charges promptly and make no demand for reimbursement in the case of lost or missing packages. As a consequence they generally stand well with the companies and are enabled on occasion to use them as references. Agents are usually directed to tend remittances by express in preference to the post when possible, and this system of mutual back scratching works to the advantage of both parties.

One ot the biggest of the patent medicine humbugs ever foisted upon the American public was the far famed "Cundurango," which was Introduced with themostrespectabloof indorse, including tho late Vice President Colfax. This was professedly a cure for cancer and for a brief space brought hope to many despairing sufferers from tbat dreadful disease. But the hopes entertained of its marvelous powers soon proved futile, as it was found to be entirely valueless as a remedial agent Dr. Bliss, who won notoriety, if not fame, by his remarkably inaccurate diagnosis of the lamented Garfield's case, was interested in it introduction and shared the obloquy of its failure, THE FAKIR'S IGNORANCE. The absolute Ignorance of the average medicine fakir of the powers and properties of the various drugs he rashly commingles sometimes leads to very curious resnltt.

In the same queer compound may be found Ingredients possessing cathartic, astringent) and the conflict resnlting in tne human sys tem from their use is hardly pleasant to contemplate. Many serious stomach com plaints are unquestionably occasioned by the corrosive acids employed as preservatives. The "doctor" to whom I am indebted for most of the details of his nefarious trade admitted that he knew of some cases of death from inflammation of the stomach after a long course of his remedy. Bnt that of course, was no fanlt of his or the medicine. As he jnstly remarked: "Them people with weak stomachs orter be more keer ful." Exceptionally successful agents are offered extraordinary inducements in the way of discounts and furnished with unlimited supplies of advertising matter.

If, on the contrary, the dear public fails to respond witn desirable promptness the agent is in structed to distribute the entire invoice gratis to any persons willing to try it, and by this means a. demand is frequently created. Agents who fail to settle promptly for the medicine sold are dunned with a persistency and an ingenuity of method worthy of all admiration. It proceeds by systematic stages from mild remonstrance to urgent demand, winding np with threats of legal proceedings, anneals to the agent's indorse. postal card duns and any other means of annoyance tbat the takir can devise.

The letters of these agents would rank high among the curiosities Of correspondence. If the "doctor" were to heed their requests he would, perforce, convert his establishment into a general purchasing agency. The hunting up of long lost relatives, searching for titles to estates having no existence save in the minds of the writers. form a considerable part of the burden of me agents plaints. GOOD ADVICE.

A North Carolina agent, of whom the "doctor" cherishes tender and profitable memories, wrote to him describing in detail the symptoms of a chronic disease, and adding: "The doctors down here can't do nothing for me and I want you to cure me, for I know you can do it." He was advised to take the medicine internally and rnb himself with it externally, and followed these directions with due fidelity for several months. Naturally enough his symptoms were continually aggravated and he finally grew so much worse that he made a last despairing appeal to the "doctor." One of the latter's olerk's, to whom fell in due course the answering of the agent's letter, advised him to buy, beg, borrow or steal a shot put in a double load of slugs and, retiring to some secluded woodland dell, to follow the detailed instructions furnished with the accompanying diagram. He was assured that this course of treatment would Drove en tirely successful and neither the malady from which he then suffered or, for that matter, any other ailment would ever trouble him again. As compliance with the prescription involved blowing the whole top of the patient's head off it seems probable that the above diagnosis was substantially correct My informant was unable to state whether the sufferer accepted the advice given or sought some other medical adviser at all events he was never more heard of, either as agent or patient In a great majority of cases the prescription might profitably be taken by any one disposed to monkey with the medicine man. When tempted to try one of these wretched cure alls, remember Punch' time honored advice to intending sacri fleers at the shrine of Hymen, and uonw TALES OF FORREST The Rough aud Tumble Manners of the Confederate Cavalry Leader.

From the Jacksonville News Herald. The following Interesting Incidents in the army life of General Bedford Forrest were witnessed by an eye witness, and now for the first time published in December, 1883, General N. B. Forrest crossed the Tennessee river and made a raid through West Tennessee, which portion of the State was fortified in many places, all of which were strongly garrisoned. While making a feint against Jackson (to enable the larger part of his brigade to uninterruptedly capture the small stockades on the railroad) a staff officer galloped up lotbe General and exclaimed excitedly "General, General, the Yankees are coming up in your rear Without a moment's hesitation and in the most Indifferent manner imaginable Forrest replied: "I don't kore a I'll about faen an' I'll be in thar rar." While crossing tho Tennossee river Ire turning from tbls same raid) his rear was strongly pressed by the Federals.

The ferryboats had to be pulled back and forth by hand. The weather was terriblv cold and as the men hauled upon the wet ropes their nana wouia mcraiiy rreeze to tnem. Forrest thought those on the east side were working too slowlv and crossing over he im mediately put everyone to work officers as well as privates. xne colonel wno had been left, In com niana on the west side sent his sercrean major across the river with an important message to Forrest, The sergeant found the General hauling on a rope, alternately en couraging ano damning every one near mm. ae ran up 10 or rest, ana Degan: ueoerw.

oionei oo Damn Colonel whoever he lg. Ketch hold oi mis rope and help pull the boat in nut, uenerai, uoi rtnn'r. t.ullr (via Halnnnll (hi. Knn I. or I'll throw you in the rlvor," shouted Forrest.

'But. General. I'm sent began the sergeant, when Forrest seized him. aud with one twist of bis muscular arm lifted the messenger clear on bis feet, and stood him un in the water waist dneD. The sercreant.

to save himself as he went over, seized: hold of Forrest's coat, and pulled the General in with him. Forrest retained bis hold of the and, exclaiming, "Spunky dog, eh!" he soused him under the water and held him there a few seconds; then lifting the sergeant's head above the water long enough for blm to catch his breath, he would shove him under water again, and again unueing mm up, wouia repeat: opuuny uug, eu After immersing the sergeant several times, Forrest helped bim ashore, when the latter, nair strangled and coughing, tried to draw bis pistol. Forrest gave him two or three slaps on bis back to help bim expel the water from bis lungs, saying at the same time: You little fool, don'tyou knowyour pistol is wet, and won't Wayne MacVeagh's Western Brother, From the Chicago News. Franklin Macveagh has moved Into bis new bouse on the lake stiore drive. It Is oneof the most striking In this city of hand some private residences; built of a pale gray stone in the Italian style, having a recessed balcony supported by marble pillars along the entire second story front.

Mr. Mao Veagh Is a public spirited citizen. He Is one of the most prominent members of the Citizens' Association. Every movement wbicb has led to the reform of existing municipal ana county anuses has round mm in its iront ranas. Mr.

juocvengb Is brother of Wayne MacVeagh. the Philadnl, phia lawyer, politician, and ex member of president uarneid's cabinet. He is oneof tne nest informed men In the West on cub lie questions, such as the tariff and tho currency, and his written essays anil olnh speecnes on inese subjects are widely discussed. Mr. MacVeagh's library is very extensive, and though rich In statistical and solid works the belle lettres are well represented and show marks of their owner's frequent reading.

He is an extremely popular man dold in uusiness circles and in society. He knows all the clerks, porters aud teamsters In his bis grocery houan. Hols fond of club life, belonging to most of toe ciuos in ine citv. Din nreierring thn Chicago, or wnicn he is ono or the founders. Buying Land Instead of Water.

From the Chicago Inter Ocean. Wall street is wondering why'the lambs" prefer "town lot" investments out West. The taets are, a big lot of lambs have eradu tn (rnl, ...1 1 VU tu. IT 1.1 BMgut LJ mi 1. A Mood.

It Is good to strive against wind and rain In the keen, sweet weather that autumn brings. The wild horse shakes not the drops from bis mane. The wild bird flicks not the wet from her wings. In gladder fashion than I toss free The mist dulled gold of my bright hair's nag. What time the winds on their hoel wlngs And all the tempest Is friends with me.

None can reach me to wound or cheer; Sound of weeping and sound of song NoHher may trouble me: I can hear But the winds' loud laugh, and the sibilant, strong, Lulled rush of the rain through the sapless weeds. rare, dear days, ye are here again 1 I will woo yo as maldous are wooed of men With oaths forgotten and broken creodsl Ye shall not lack for the sun's fierce Shining With the gold of ray balr will I make ye glad; For your blown, red forests give no repining Here are my Hps; will ye still be sad? Comfort vs. comfort ye, days of cloud, Days of shadow, of wrath, of blast I who love ye am come at last. Laugh to welcome ma I cry aloud I For wild am I as thy winds and rains Free to come and go as they Love's moon sways not the tides of my veins: There is no voice that ran hid me stay. Out and away on the drenched, brown leal Out to the great, glad heart of the year I Nothing to grieve for, nothing to fear; Fetterless, lawloss, a maiden freel Amtli Xivei in Uarptft, What Cheeky General Boulanejer Called Himself In His Book.

Paris Letter to Chicago Tribune. General Boulanger Is further broughtback to publie notice by a little book just issued, entitled Literary Remains of a New Napoleon." It contains a lot of General Bou langers letters and official orders and extracts from official army records, printed in fao slmile from the original documents. The book is circulated privately, oi course, being under tbe ban of. the Jaw. But 100,000 copies of it were printed, and they have all been distributed.

One may well believe it to be an interesting work. It contains, for example, the letter written by Boulanger in 1879 to his superior officer, the Duo d'Aumale. on the retirement of the latter from the command of the Seventh Corps. The writer expressed the "deep grief of himself and his comrades at losing a commander whom they loved and whom they "trusted so confidently." They would never, he declared, forget the great example he bad set them;" and lor himself he was full of unchangeable devotion to the Due, and was now and always his "most obedient servant" Three months later there was a vacant generalship. Boulanger coveted It He wrote to tbe Due again.

"You can, my Lord Due," be said, secure the place for me If you will use your kind offices In my behalf. Will you not grant this inestimable boon to him who is so sincerely devoted to the fortunes of yourself and your noble family?" The Due compiled and got the position for him, whereupon Boulanger wrote another letter. "It Is to your princely bounty tbat I owe my promotion," he declared, and my life shall henceforth be de vorea to proving my gratitude. It. is my proudest boast that I once served under your command.

It Is my loftiest ambition to be recalled to that blessed service." Rather bombastic General Boulanger was. Especially, you will say, In view oi tho very next Eage of this little volume, which bears a ver allm report of the General's speech in the Chamber, in which he declared, "on his honor as a Frenchman and aRnldipr." that he owed no debt ot gratitude to the Due d'Au maio or to any or nis pestilent inoe" ana had never in any way expressed devotion or gratitude to bim. But on yet the next page appears the cause, or one of the causes of this ohangeof front and of the bitter enmity Boulanger has shown toward all the Or leanists and particularly toward the Due d'Aumale. It Is a copy in raosimileofone of the Due's army reports. There are the names the officera under him in tha Seventh Corps, and opposite them bis com ments on tnem.

opposite tne name oi ueorges tfouianger appearea this: "Good officer; active; very intelligent, but ill bred." It was this comment that esne cially galled Boulanger. He found It in the reooras at tne Ministry oi war. xnence forth ho exhibited animosity toward all well bred neoDle. 8oon after he issued an order to all the generals ot the army, directing them to regard with suspicion and disfavor all subordinate officers who "put on the airs of gentlemen." "Beware of officers," he said, "who shave their faces, who comb their hair oftener than odco a day, who brush their boots or who Nay, more: It is unrepublican to keep a horse and carriage. It is unrepublican to go to the place called church.

See to it that your officers do none of these things. If they persist In them report them to me." Another passage in this order denounced "those who ridiculously disfigure tbelr names by adding 'de' or a title." Following this is a letter written by tbe General a year or two before, in wbicb he signs himself ue souiangeri Anotner page oears a letter written by General Boulanger to a promi Hentiaay oi tneaemi monae. I ou ten me, he wrote. that vou think mv beard becom ing, and that it makes me look like a King or Emperor. I thank you, sweet" And the next page oears nis otnciai order, aatea tne very next day.

directing that all the soldiers of the army shall let their beards grow 1 BOULANGER AS A LIAR. Ex Premier Goblet Says He is the Biggest in France. Paris Letter to Chicago Tribune. M. Rene Goblet who was Premier of the Ministry to which Boulanger last belonged and who was forced out of office for that General's sake, tells a characteristic story.

I once believed in Boulanger. be says. but now I believe him to be the biggest liar In France. How so? I will tell you. When we were all in the Ministry together M.

Rocbefort was very hostile to us all, except Boulanger, He did not treat bim badly. But he assailed, the rest of us every day in tbe most roul manner. Well, Boulanger began going with M. Rochefort, like two chums. I reproached him.

'You associate with the calumniator of your colleagues I said. You are he replied; 'I scarcely know 'why, you dlued with him said 'you and Clemcnceau, who also is 'I did said Boulanger: 'you have been misinformed. I have not dined with Rochefortnever in my life, I did not even see him yesterday. I tell you this on my Well, I was silenced tor the time, out not convinced. Five minutes later I met Clemcnceau.

said yon must have had a Jolly time last night' 'By my faith, I should say he answered; 'we dinea at Kocneiorts, Houiunger ana and had a lively evening, we three. But how did you near oi it uia itocneiort ten your Boulanger then No on the con trary, he says be didn't even see Rocbefort yesterday and never dined with him in his mer 'Diane say on my word, yes, not ten minutes ago I' 'The infernal liar So you added M. Goblet, "I caught tbe tmperor ae hiouianger in a thumping lie, the scurvy dogl" Gath on Journalism and Literature. Interview tn San Francisco Call. Literature as a profession has no existence in America I have been connected with papers for thirty years, and once thoupht that writing for the press and literature ran In the same direction.

It Is not so, and tbe lines, though in appearance coincidental, are yet in reality widely separated. Litera ture can in this country be only the profes sion of tho man of leisure. For the hard working and aspiring young mau. whose capital Is his brains, llterattircmeans hardlv a competence, while the press means in com parison ainuence. Agooa story printea in book form will not bring much, but sold to a paper win command greater price and oe wiaer reaa.

neu once engagea in writing for the press, even men of ureal tal ent seldom leave that occupation to write books, for the emoluments for newspaper writing will always be greater than thoso of literature. What Constitutes a Great Actor. From tbe San Francisco Chronicle. They were talking about a star actor they had just been to see, when they walked into the cigar store to have a cigar, Tho cigar man was listening. I don't see that be much of an actor," said one.

I don't tblnk he's an actor at all. The way be's advertised you'd think he was a great artist." "is it you re taiamg aoouiY" asked tbe cigar man. "Yes; we ve just oeen to see "And yeu tblnk he ain't an actor?" "That's about it" "An actor I You bet he's an actor. He's a great actor He's got The Fire Fiend's Mean Trick. From Overland Sketches In Chicago Tribune.

"It Is probable," says a Nebraska paper, "that tbe disastrous fire wbicb destroyed our court bouse Friday evening could have been extinguished had it not been for the fact tbat tbe fire company as well as tbe balance of our citizens were in attendance on the grand free rope walking exhibition being given by Mile. Alfalfa, at the corner of Broadway and Pacific avenue, thus render ing It Impossible for any one to go to It till the large and handsome building was a mass of ruins. Our account of the conflagration Is somewhat meagre owing to tbe tact that our reporter was busy holding one of the guy ropes for the young lady." A Barrel Shop and a Bucket Shop. From tbe Omaha World. Omaha Boy (in New ork) "What are all those men rushing Into that place for? New York Boy" That a bucket shop." "What's tbat?" "Thcr buv and sell stocks there on mar gins same as they do in tho Exchange." "uni it anotoer Eixcnuuge, eu7" No, it's a bucket shop." Well, how do you tell tbe difference?" "Why.

one is in a great big building and the other in a little bit of a one." A Honeymoon Sets Coder a Cloud. From the Boston Transcript. In a good old estern Massachusetts town lives a doctor who bos burled four wives. When number four was a brldo of a few days she went with her oldest step daughter into the attic to find an front ng board. Seeing a board that she thought would answer ber purpose nicely, she was about to take it when the daughter exclaimed "Oh, don't take tbat for that is what father uses to lay out his wives on A Voice From TJnder Hnbbell'l Slab.

From the Buffalo Kxpreis, Bep. Jay A. Hubbull, of Michigan, has a candi date for President whom lie claims to be tbe fleetest of tbe dark horses. He nominates General Phil Sheridan, and snys that Don ameron, of Pennsylvania, win second tbs motion. Any candidate of Jay Ilubbell's tight to poll at least two per cent or tile Republican vole.

How to Make Every Man Pay. From tbe Chicago News. Cook county Is so deeply In debt tbat there appears to be but one way to get back to a sound financial basis. Levy a tax of (1 on every handsome man residing within its Dounaanes. xaafc.

win sweep away toe whole difficulty. Why It Will Die Very, Very Young. From tha 8t Paul Ploneer Prens. Tbe new American party began bnslneu last week by demanding a new government bureau and plenty of new officials. The on ganlzatlon fs sick at the start slok with spollomanla, violation of his contract witn nis agents, and he also admitted that for two years or more he had been selling the stuff in large lots to the wholesale druggists, who found a brisk demand for it in the retail trade, created by the labors of these same agents.

But a little matter of that sort didn't trouble my medicine man a bit To the complaints of agents that druggists were selling the medicine he cheerfully responded that the medicine offered by the druggist was a vile counterfeit and no druggist could possibly nave a bottle of the genuine article, lie had "made his pile" and didn't care a ardamon seed. THE TRAFFIC IN NAMES. It may naturally be asked how the patent medicine fiend could reach and secure agents at the outset, except through the medium of newspaper advertising. The query opens up another odd phase of the business, or rather discovers one of its more important adjuncts, In nearly every newspaper printed on this continent except the great city dailies and occasionally even in a few of these, may be found the almost innumerable ten line advertisements of the dealers in "Novelties," a word as used by them much resembling charitv. in that it covers a mul titude of sins.

They offer the bric a brac of manufacturers cards, chromos, photograpns, games, puzzles, tricks, nick nacks of every conceivable and inconceivable sort and va riety, in short, a thousand and one odds and ends, made cheaply to sell dear, ana many doubtless pocket a handsome profit from their sale. But these dealers have another source of income, and no small one at that, in the sale of names," or more accurately, letters. Every letter received by one of these novelty concerns, even if a mere request for a circular, is carefully preserved with its envelope. As they accumulate they are classified by States and chronologically arranged by months. Their Bale or hire to parties wishing to reach the public cheaply has become a recognized branch of the "novelty" business.

EATINGS OF Prices range from $5 to $35 a thousand if bought outright or sums proportionately less if it is merely their use for a specified time that is purchased. Almost any number from ten to a hundred thousand can be had without difficulty, and they are a mighty, important factor in the operations of the patent medicine fiend, the "sawdust" shark, the bogus watch swindler and others of like kidney. Years ago lists of names, presumably copied from the books of business houses, or gathered in any of many underhand ways, could be sold as letters are now, but nowadays the fakirs won't touch them at any price. They demand original letters, in the original envelopes, with the canceled stamps on, and then scrutinize the post marks slowly. The discrediting of lists began some fifteen years ago when an ingenious gentleman from Rhode Island, coming somehow into possession of an old volume of Bradstreet Mercantile Keports, copied all the names and addresses therein, many thousands in number, and offered the lists for sale, representing that the names had been surreptitiously copied from the books ot the Great American Tea Company, Several of the fakir fraternity invested largely, and great was their wrath and tribulation when the utter worthlessness of the lists, for their purposes, was speedily made apparent.

It is said that even to this day there be fakirs who cannot hear mention of the tea names without much violent abjurgation. My retired physician mentioned as an incident within his knowledge the case of a clerk employed by a patent medicine arm, who, by frequently working aloue in the office alter hoars, gradually copied from their books the names of all their agents and sold the list to a rival in the same line, get ting something like $60 per thousand for the lot, but that, he added, was an exceptional case. BUSTIC VICTIMS. In default of an adequate supply of let ters, however, your patent medicine man is not without resources. He addresses his circulars simply To the Blacksmith, Lib erty Corners, and repeats that general address for every post office in the Union.

Or it may be varied to "the Shoemaker," the Tailor" and so on indefinitely. Some times, but rarely, he tries the postmaster, as the latter functionary is too much favored with circulars of all sorts to furnish promising material for an agent. The classes preferred by the medicine men are, in the order of their value as agents, the farmers, village mechanics or small tradesmen, and thesa rather indefinable entities in our body politic who are most nearly described by the term Jack of all trades." Women generally make good agents, and are appointed as readily as men. The rural storekeepers are sometimes selected, but only for want of other applicants, an important point being to have your agent handle no other remedy, as he is then far more likely to push the sale. HOW TUB STCFP IS MADE.

Worthless Combinations of Drug Sold at Enormous Profit. There is probably no other race existent so prone to the use of proprietary remedies as the American, and perhaps the reason for this is not far to seek. In the early settlement of the country, when physicians were few and widely scattered, the use of so called household remedies was in some degree a necessity. Now as this process of settlement has been continuous the same causes have continuously produced the same effects, and the result may be seen in the widespread belief in nostrums of every sort which makes the harvest of the medical charletan. Dyspepsia has frequently been declared to be our national disease.

Well, consider how rich dyspepsia is in symptoms. The average dyspeptic requires little persuasion to find in his own case all the symptoms of heart disease, liver complaint consumption, rheumatism, the several varieties of disease of the kidneys, dropsy, diabetes and pretty much every other ailment that flesh is heir to. If the patient has been for years addicted to a steady diet of hog and hominy (and it must be borne in mind it is in the West, South and Southwest that these nostrums have their chief sale) he is very likely in prime condition to be affected by Dr. Enowall's Wonderful Universal Bemedy. Nearly all patent medicines of the class we are discussing are cathartic and at the same time strongly stimulating to the stomach, the latter effect being produced by the use of capsicum or cayenne pepper.

Our patient finds, after two or three doses, that he feels like anew man, can eat like a horse, and the terrifying symptoms upon which he had based heart disease, or whatever other ailment he most fancied, have vanished. Thereupon he writes a famous testimonial, which straightway appears in the next issue of the doctor's pamphlet as a bait for new gudgeons. THB INGREDIENTS. What has effected this cure Voila! Here is the iormula of the renowned remedy of my friend, the "retired physician To 100 parts take Aloes 20 Leptandra (Cul Llquorlco 10 ver 2 Qoldsenl 8 Water. 63 Gold thread 2 Capsicum 61 100 Muriatic acid 6 "No use in bein'too cussed partickeler about gittin' tho exact he said, "that is, if you're makin' up a big lot at a time, a little more or less won't hurt nothin', s'longs you keep it pretty nigh alike, one brewin' with another.

I hed a tank holdin' 'bout 4,000 gallons, and uscter make up the lot at once." It may be readily understood that in this haphazard method of compounding the medicine wonld be apt to vary considerably, but as the "doctor" said it did'nt hurt nothin," unless perchance it were the patient, and that was a minor consideration. CHEAP DEUOS. Note that the drngs employed are all inexpensive, and their cost is lessened to the utmost by purchasing the very cheapest grades of each. The aloes furnishes a drastic purgative, strong enough to clear out an ostrich, and the capsicum the necessary stimulant to the stomach. The liquorice serves mainly as a sweetener to modify the in tense bitterness of the aloes; the leptandra is probably used through some vague belief in effects upon the liver.

It is a drug much fancied by certain eclectics, but in mediocre repute with the regular school. The other ingredients, aside from the acid, are employed for their supposed value as blood purifiers." The acid serves an entirely distinct purpose. As the preparation is wholly vegetable it wonld be subject to destructive fermentation without the addition of some preservative. Alcohol is the best and only sure preventive of fermentation in such mixtures, but alcohol is costly, so our medicine man substitutes muriatic acid, which Is comparatively cheap, and runs the moderate THE POETICAL ASPECTS OF A THAT IS VANISHING. SPOE' Shooting the Prairie Chicken in the Western States.

A Game Bird That Must Disappear Before the Advance of Civiliza tion A Sportsman's Experience. copyright, 1887.1 A prairie refuses to be picturesque in picture, but seen at first hand it is second only to the ocean in the breadth and power of the idea it sketches in one's consciousness. Standing knee deep in strong grass your vision is bounded by the blue rim of the earth fading into the sky. In every direc tion the ground surface is in the form of low. brood billows, with wide, shallow troughs between.

Mere a grove, there a willowy stream, yonder a bright pond; great fields oi corn, yellow spaces of stubble, now and then are orchard, a windmill, a farm house vast barns, immense herds of cattle, hayricks, straw stacks, long rows ol co.tu pens ana oyer all a sky of violet blue. It is liberal landscape, inhabited by a liberal people, a soil tilled in a large way, crops gath ered by the ton, herds counted by the thou sand. It is the heart of America, the garden of Tne earth. Yonder go six horses, each worth $150, all to one great plow chariot, upon which rides tne King of the prairie. See how the black soil boils over the shining share, burying the weeds and grass and freeing the rich fra grance of the loam; The horses are breast deep in sunflowers and Spanish needles.

Suddenly the leaders start and shy sharply as a flock of large birds flush at their noses and with a loud whirring of wings sweep away across the prairie. Those are grouse. note the farmer makes of them. He sees hundreds of them every day. Once in a while, when the weather is too bad for work, he takes down his old shot gun and says to his wife: "Martha, I guess I'll go get a chicken." He does not mean by this that a barn yard fowl is to suffer.

He means that he will kill a grouse or prairie chicken, which yraine iuik can simpiy cmcen. Like everything else that is romantic and delicious, the sport of prairie chicken shooting is fast receding to take its place along witn chivalry, provencal minstrelsy and genuine johnnycakes. A few more years and the only grouse upon earth will be stuffed curiosities in the museums. Much may legislators affect to do in the matter. It is not the sun.

the net and the trap that work the destruction of grouse, it i civilization, improvea metnoas oi agricul ture, progress, the car of wealth making. Where can the birds have their nests so as to avoid the plow, the reaping machine, the hay rake, the weed scythe and the stubble fire Where shall the young ones go to hide from the prairie hawks and the pest of prownng nouse catsr speafcine of cats. counted twenty two in the vicinity of a prairie farm house. At one bird to the cat each day how many birds in a year? An swer: 8,0301 What is the use of making game laws ouiy to stun cats? i raine cnicK ens are doomed birds and we may as well kill them at once. So get your gun and we win no on lorthwitn.

Early in the morning the birds are feed ing in the stubble fields. The grass is so wet with the cool prairie dew that it is like wading in a shallow pond to go through it. Put on tall rubber boots and water proof trousers, drink a cup of strong coffee for fear of malaria and so we go. We shall have to work hard, for we must bein to dinner at 11 clock. I like a pointer dog better than a setter for tho dry prairie, because he can do better without water and because he does not load himself with burs.

The setter will retrieve bettor, however, and is more bidable and more stylish. Take your choice. Hark I Do you hear that moaning, rumbling cry. echoing all round the rim of the horizon? That's the grouse calling to one another trom held to held. Nothing could be more solemnly mournful than mat souna.

Geologists love to tell ns that birds are de scended from reptilian ancestors. Truly the grouse voice reminds one of the grunting of the alligator and the booming of the bullfrog. But I cannot afford to dip into Darwinism now. It would generate too many films of poetical suggestion, too many cloudy hints noatmg on tne outer rim ot lancy. Down the lane, past the barn and over the fence into the cow lot, then through the bars into the wide pasture.

Let the dogs rauge now, for they are eager to be going. There is a fragrance of new milk on the air and a suggestion of batter cakes and butter. I feel a tingling in my blood. The expectancy that haunts a sportsman's mind is upon me. Yonder is a broad golden area in the form of a large parallelogram lying between two dark green cornfields; it is oat stubble, tho best place in the world for grouse.

Hie on, Dan! Hie on, Flush There's game yonder. Meadow larks on the hedges shine like gold and pipe as sweetly as the fabled flutes from the Aulocrene. See that hawk go round and round in dreamy circles between the prairie and the sky. What a happy buccaneer he is. He will have a ohicken for breakfast and so shall I.

Sharp, there, Dan steady, Flush 1 What an engaging sight! Dan comes to a point and Flush backs him. They are twenty yards apart ana as steady as two boulders. Far past them, with a great flare of tire, the sun rolls up into the sky and immediately a light breeze begins to blow with a brisk rustle. We walk past the dogs and leave them standing there like, statues. Suddenly a rush and a roar, and np go nearly a hundred grouse.

The noise, the suddeness and the number confuse us. We fire a little at random with our first barrels, but we are steady with our second. It is a beautiful sight, a flight of grouse across a prairie, especially where the birds cross the sunriso sky, sketched thereon in fantastic groups that curve and sail and finally strike down, a quarter mile away, into the shining, dewy grass. Now comes a strong walk tbat sets one's lungs to work vigorously and brings a glow into one's face. Dan and Flush are happy, they know that they are going to have their own way with the birds for awhile.

The pointer canters, the setter lopes; both have high heads and fine noses. It is a rare thing for either to flush a bird, All the morning our guns boom and with varying success we tramp over miles of prairie. We are quite tired when we return to the farm house, loaded with game and as hungry as men can be. We see the farmer's daughter carrying a crock of cool milk from the little milk house by the well, and wo smell baked potatoes and boiled cabbage, stewed fruit and onion salad. The sun is high now, and the air is almost hot.

The dogs rush to the water trough at the well and leap in, bathing and drinking at once. I wish I could do the same with impunity. Such is a bint ot grouse shooting, bat who can draw the full picture? Who will write the poem it suggests? When America shall have become as effete as the oldest port of the Old World, there mnst be some record extent, for the poor nerveless men to read, telling how the rude but strong and healthy men of our day got up from bed at 4 o'clock in the morning to go out and tramp for miles over the greeu prairies, gun on suouidor, booted to the thigh. in quest of an out door sport that vanished In the late years of the nineteenth century. Who but the poet is able to bottle up this fragraut essence of a morningonthe prairies and so preserve it for the nostrils of all the coming generations? Give me a lyre, a flute or a violin give me the poet's quill, give me but there's the dinner bell, and the farmer's rosy wile is saying "GeuUemen.come in to dinner, pleaso." Shall we go In? Maurice; Thompson.

True nf Philadelphia, Too. From the Ban Francisco Alia. Mayor Hewitt, of New York, with less reason than be would And In San Franclsoo. says If we had better pavements we would have cleaner streets." THE CONFESSIONS OF A QUACK How the Gullible Public is Reached and How Poisoned. CHEAP AND DANGEROUS DRUGS A Startling Revelation of Rascality For Fools and Hypochondriacs to Read.

The manufacture of patent medicines as an American industry seems to have originated in Philadelphia, where Swayne's "Panacea" made ita appearance some time in the last quarter of the last century. Possibly the "Stoughton Bitters," so popular thirty years ago, may have been derived more or less directly from "Stoughton's Elixir," which is advertised in the Boston (lazctte of 1760, in company with Dufly's Elixir," "Lockyer's Pills" and "Bateman's Drops," imported in the last ship from London." But it is probable that the "Panacea" was the first proprietary rem edy of distinctively American origin, and it is.not a little curious that this medicine has held its own among a myriad of competitors for the bosfc part of a century, for the life of a patent medicine is, save in exceptional cases, decidedly ephemeral. It is not, however, the present purpose to trace the histories of the successful patent medicines, which, through long use, per sistent advertising, great care in their prepa ration and the possession of some value as remedial agents, have gamed a semi official character and even in rare instances won recognition in that vade mecum of the drug' gist and rural practitioner, the United States Dispensatory. Most medicines of this class have been many years in use their formulae are well known and they are produced in an Unvarying preparation of ingredients, POPDLAB REMEDIES. There exists another class of proprietary remedies and it is a large one of which newspaper readers know little or nothing for the very sufficient reason that these nostrums are never advertised in the newspapers, yet are sold in every hamlet from Newfoundland to Lower California and from Alaska to Cape Florida, with yearly sales Teaching into millions, and have realized fortunes for their lucky owners.

A few of these preparations have successfully invaded the English markets and established a keen competition at the very doors of the Hollo ways, Enos', Hoopers and other big medicine men of Britain. The owners of these nostrums, who find purchasers for their preparations by methods peculiarly their own, are sometimes unsuccessful physicians, regular graduates of one or another of the countless medical colleges which produce their annual crop of unfledged M. with fatal regularity; but more frequently gentlemen of speculative tendencies, with perhaps a smattering of the healing science, or more probably having no knowledge whatever of the materia medics. I unearthed one of these gentry the other day at a seaside resort, where he was displaying his diamonds and his portly person with equal satisfaction and over a bottle of Koederer persuaded him to unbosom himself and reveal the mysteries of his trade the more readily since, as he aptly expressed it, he had "made his pile" and had "no further use for fools." CONFESSIONS OP A FAKIR. Afy informant made no claim to originality in bis methods.

His system was that adopted by a score of others, but supposed to have originally devised by one Dr. Wtilte, formerly of New York, but now carrying on his business with great success in England. To float a new proprietary remedy it is first necessary to discover your cure all, for medicines of this class are usually of universal application and differ in surprisingly small degree as to their ingredients. The next requisite is a descriptive pamphlet setting forth the marvelous efficacy of the remedy, with an account of the wonderful, almost providential nature of its discovery. Much depends upon the wildly improbable character of the story in these matters probability is at a discount and were Mr.

Bider Haggard to turn his attention to this branch of literature, he would doubtless score a phenomenal success, while in so doing he would only follow the example already set by several gentlemen not unknown to literary fame, who by supplying truthful narratives of great medical discoveries to the patent medicine fiends, have won much lucre if little distinction. It is true the field for astounding medical discoveries of this nature has been much reduced of late years, and the whole habitable and uninhabitable globe scoured for locations, but there are a few outlying districts still eligible for the purpose, and the interior of Africa, perhaps somewhere in the neighborhood of King Solomon's mines, ought to be a sure find. THE AGENT. Having secured a pamphlet narrative of a sufficiently marvelous character to carry conviction to the public mind the next thing in order Is the Circular to Agents." This explains the terms on which the medicine is supplied to agents, holds out visions of enormous profits, and explains in detail the means to "bring the medicine before the people," by the distribution of pamphlets, posters, dodgers, cards and cheaply printed matteT of every conceivable sort, which the proprietor supplies in boundless profusion. Bight here we get at the gist of the entire Scheme two simple propositions.

First. the agent is assured the exclusive control of the medicine within a certain district and that not a bottle will be sold to a druggist tinder any consideration (an assurance never realized); second, every bottle is sold "with the distinct understanding that the money Said for it will be refunded to the buyer if derives no benefit from its use." These seemingly liberal terms generally bring down both agent and patron at one shot Nothing can possibly be fairer than the "doctor's" offer. The medicine is supplied to the agent on commission he hag nothing to pay until it is sold, except the express charges on the box sent him a mere trifle of fifty or seventy five cents he is allowed a profit of at least thirty, perhaps forty per and when ho has sold out be deducts the expressage, his expense for postage, money refunded, if any, from the bill accompanying the box, and remits the balance to the philanthropic proprietor. LIBERAL TERMS. No security whatever is required of the agent He is only obliged to forward with his application for the agency a line from his Postmaster, a clergyman or Justice of the Peace, stating that Hezekiab Hayseed is believed to be an honest and reliable man.

To emphasize the philanthropic character of the enterprise, several bottles of tho remedy, marked "free," are packed in each box, and the agent is directed to give them to any deserving poor persons who need, but cannot afford to buy, the remedy. It might naturally be supposed that the losses through dishonest agents would be so large as to leave little margin for profit. In reality the percentage of loss from this canse is very small and the item of "refunded money a mere flea bite. When it is farther considered that the first shipment to an agont is usually of eighteen to twenty four bottles, retailing at one dollar each, and that the cost of bottle, medicine, label and cork foots up a fraction over five cents, all told, it will be apparent that even considerable defalcations, may be endured with equanimity by the liberal 'A WIM HELD. There are some 63,000 post towns in the United States, and a fair idea of the magnitude of the business carried on by some of these underground patent medioine concerns may be gathered from my informant's statement' that when he Ktired from business last year he had at least one agent in every one of them, besides many thousands in Canada, and that the sales for the year were over 3,000,000 bottles.

His mode of retirement was charming in its simplicity. He merely sold out all his proprietary rights to one of the large wholesale dealers in patent medicines in Now York, or, to us his "6 sitting on the fence, and on the ground was a pius ui ueau cats tnat maae tne commodore turn pale. For heaven's sake, how many cats have yon got there he gasped. We'll t'row 'em over in anoder pile, boss." said the boothlacfc. 'em up." The boy began to toss the cats over deliberately, and the commodore counted until guu up nny.

men ne caned out: "Hold nn That'll Ar. T'll give you three fellows just five dollars apiece. That's big pay for a night's work." "Can't do it hrtc soiH tha VirtrttKloi I ve mado de arrangement wid dese gen ueuieu nere, an ae understanding is a dollar apiece for de cats." Well, I won't give you but five dollars each all around," said the commodore. He pulled out the money and shook it in their faCftS. hnt.

thft hnvarafnc tit a i VUjUAU. LI. I. tl XV. Finally they withdrew in silence, leaving me cuuiuiouore.

arousea ano ui.nar.nrpji. with his cats. They formed a resolve to "net even with him." and tnaHn thAimlana accordingly. That night the commodore had not been asleep very long before he was roused by the most unearthly caterwauling that he had ever heard in his life. He woke with the impression that there was a stack of cats on the foot of his bed.

Then he fancied they were at least on tbe windowsill of his room. But presently he became aware that they were somewhere in the yard near his window. He could stand it no longer, and seized a loaded pistol that was in a bureau drawer and blazed away, one, two, three shots, at what soemed to be the centre of the disturbance in the yard. Then he heard a cry and groan of anguish from some human being. He dressed partially and went out into the yard, and found there, writhing in pain, the policeman ou tbe beat, with a ball from tbe commodore's revolver in his leg.

He also found a large gunny bag in which was a wriggling, plunging mass of cats, all of them howling now with a fury redoubled by the episode of the shooting. The policeman was able to explain that he had seen what seemed to be a wild animal of extraordinary proportions, which made a noise like a hundred cats, plunging around ou the commodore's lawn, and had come over to investigate and no sooner had ho discovered that the object was a big gunny bag full of cats, and had prepared to release the ani mals.than the commodore had opened fire on him from the window with disastrous effect The policeman sued Vanderbilt for damages and the commodore had to pay him $1,000 to settle a fact which became quite gener ally known. As to the cats, he knew where they came from, but the peculiar and unfinished nature of the transaction with the boys prevented him from mentioning it, or from breaking with the bootblack, who continued to shine his boots as of yore. Tho day after the commodore had settled with the police mau the boy looked up from his box and remarked: Sleep well last night, boss 1" The commodore only grunted in response. Any cats nowadays 1" The commodore jumped un from the chair.

See here he exclaimed how many cats did you kill that night?" Ninety three, boss." The commodore pulled out his cheek book and hastily drew a check. "Here a check for $100," said he; "and now don't you ever say cats to me again in your lifo, nor talk about this thing to anybody else, or I'll break every bone in your body." Agreed, boss," said the boy, as ha pocketed the check. Absolutely Pure, This powder nvtr viiHm, A mnrVel of purity trpngtii nd wholnmenpv Mr rconotulrn than Ih onitnnry kinds, and cannot be Hold in competition with the mnltlttidftof low tt, short walKhtlumor plioiphat powcUra. Soid otUy tan, KOYAL BAKINO F0WBKB NW Torlv.