The Cincinnati Enquirer from Cincinnati, Ohio • Page 26

8 k-. tat- 20 THE ENQUIRER, CINOIKNAi SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 6t 1898. THE BOARDERS' TRIUMPH. HE WAITED TO CT0W. (Judge.

1 The Little Zioa congregaUoM was not rioh tu this -world's roods. The church was a mail wooden building tested by stores and lighted by tares tamp plaead la brackets alone; th walls. But ft time cam when the nailiis of -the fteck sea-aa to OOLLEffEXT B00IS. jack. I Cynthia Hertf'fosber letter from Hl-pun college jweata aar bay OF SPIRITS.

-l Hohokboddie Dear. met ft lot of peep at the ieetar te-day who beltov la spirits. Ut. Hohntbe4d What sort of aplrtts? Mrs. Hohmboddi Ton know very well I oat keen that sort of prts, aad yaw needat try to be fanny.

Mr. Hohmboddi Borne pereeas I knew are runny without tryiag- Mrs. Hohmboddie Or yea Imagine they are. But. oh.

dear Ml I don't see how any os can bar such a etraag sort of tallm. mar sraool hen" Put a mortgage the farm yU. ewyB What ooka does a aew? Tratnl tlmtii list: OIUlcaa a -fhoals For Backing th Hry ef the Game," "Los-ons la Signal System" and "First Aid To thdured." th a of fcapi svsaaotifa The roancer la Dartlcidftr ejected to th ty inn initiation To Bapos. envea To be Mere that apiriU aalat after death Mr. M-rnr' My dear girl.

I hop across th war bad ft beautiful chandelier, and why should not Little Zlon hav one, too? Bo the young people appealed to the pastor, and he brought the Blatter before the eonrrea-aUoa at th next business They war IScuaalng battle ships ax th table In Mm, awanaeae boardlas kMM. "These big bullets," said HUthera. reaching biscuit th plat In front of him. "must be tarrfbl thing-" A mil went around th board, and the landlady looked dagger al the Intrepid man. The coover nation turned to engagements ao tha water.

"I'll Juat UU yon." aald Bates In a loud tone, at th earn time raisins a piece of steak on hit fork and surveying It In ft casual war, "this HtmrlKd sUel will stand a good deal of battering before it will give 'way. I think the Inventor of It eaght to be rewarded." The landlady sniffed, and there was a genera titter The that wore the broadeet einlle was Cofcbs. Some one bad Just handed him the butter, and he was about to help himself, holding the dish in his band, when he remarked, as looked Intently at his burden This powerful stuff" here he wan lr.termpled by a lit of coughing "that they put In torpedoes" But the landlady had fled. A 81TI8FA0T0RY REASON. Truth I Fat Cltlaen You're a pretty small chap to be runnln' am elvator, ain't you? The 8m all Yes.

think I am. They gave me the Job 'cause th rope broke so many times with the heavier boys. The fat man walked. UNNECESSARY. (Puck CoMpluriks I think I'll put a clause in may will that If any of my relatives contest they won't ret a rent.

Friend Ohl their lawyers will see that they don't. JOKE. me the cauwe of this eolip? lie dark as you. BY WAY OF ADVIOE (Harper's Bazar. "My son," said the Turkey Cock to the LKtle Gobbler at hi tide as th Football liawr went by: "Take that young man as your model.

When he betrina to train, do you the same, and perhaps by the time Thanksgiving Day comes you will get your muscles so hard and your weight so fine that you will be a winner in the. frame In which eur family is ao often the I' THE IMPRESSIONIST. ECLIPSED. Truth. That's a very full moon." said the visitor to Hobbletown.

"Full!" sneered the oldext InhaMt.iril con-tetnptuously. "Mister, mu ought hev seen how fall the moon gut back In the winter of THE WAR IN VAIN. (Truth 1 "I do wish the lnlted States rould get possession of the Canary Iiflaud-" "Why "Because It would make good slngera cheap, wouldn't It?" A DARK Mis Quest roctor, can you Doctor No. I'm as much in HOPELESSLY TANGLED. Truth.

Prof. Thinkltout was about to be married, and had Just rerejvfd an Invitation to Mn ow wik he had abeerrt-mhwl-My rrmlM to Mtnaolf. "Well, well," he mused, "what does tW nwwnT My Hartoee's name on a wedding lrMtatton! The rsitMevn hussy! And rrpat IWf'i my mum on R. too. father H'l untrue, or I'm about to be a bftremiet." "ril sit down and taiak out a subject.

THE LECTURE AND LECTURER. (Truth.) Mrs. Learaed Had you no engagement for to-alght. dear? Prof. Learned (jumping to his teetk By eve! I was booked to lecture at on "The Cultivation of the Memory." and here it Is 10 o'clock! Why In blase eeuldn't yeu have asked that question three hours ago? A FAIR QUESTION.

(Troth. 1 MT. Baphead What are you going to be, Willi. When you grow up to be a man? Willi I don't know. What are you g-oing to be? GOOD "OM Cetrocks oaUa aha- lor oo i i i i It tHl I 2.

"Han Tve hH It! Why, sat on my palette! 8. "What a good color, THE NERVOUB INVALID. (Jttdire-l "You say your wife is much stronger, but that she's feeling woree. I don't quite understand. "It's simple enough.

She can be as sick only as her strength will permit, and naturally the more strength she has the worse he can feel." HOW HE MADE IT. I Puck. The Jay And did our Congressmen hev stare friRht when he made his fust speech? The Josh Oh. no. He handed it to the printer as nonchalantly as you please.

NAME. daughter aDaary.1 mnaay. HANDICAPPED PROM THE START. Puok.) First Spaniard That is a cowardly aad contemptible ruse of the Tanks pigs. Second Spaniard It certainly la, but what la It? First 8panlard Why, they threaten not to recognize us as belligerents la the event of our resuming TaoatUlUaa.

PAID WHAT QUEERED HIM. TJudre Alleged Blind Man Beautiful lady, pity de blind. Miss Anteaque (suspiciously) How did you know a lady was passing If you are blind? All. Ked Blind Man-lly de lightness uv yer trend, lady. Mlsy Antouque almi)erlngly) Here la a half dollar, but I must scold you for Baying I am beautiful.

Alleged Blind Man Ah, lady, if you knew how bedly 1 needed die money you would terglve a little lyln' pailantry. Tank yer. HIS LIKES. Puckl Boston Mother (sevrelyV-I can't conceive What you eee In that young Mr. Everyday! doesn't like Ibsen, be doesn like Browning, he doesn't like Keats.

Whom does he like? Boston Maiden (demurety) Msl AH'EABY QUESTIOB. lPTKk.1 Teacher Why did th Korea and Saxons fight at Hasting? Pupil-Thai's Where tbey happened meet, ma'am. PLACING IT EXACTLY. (Harper's Baser.) "Now that my money gxn you lor no longer," he cried. "Not exactly-1 don't love yo.

shorter." wast of too! 4. "But I've no doubt It's th best Impression I've hit upon this seaewav" OBS0U1E TITLE. iTarper tBaaar. A Southern young man who went West to practice medicine had an early lesson en the narrow limits of fame and th vanity ef ramlly nrWe. He beiottfred to that old and aristocratic clan, the first farilrea of VI r- glniw, the fantotn F.

Oft evening be became involved In a dtacuasioa with the Mayor of th HtUe Western town and one or two of Its prominent dtlsetas. It does not matter what she subject was, but when the Mayor appealed to th witn. hat do you say. Doc?" the youta- men replied, lauahlng "Oh, Your Honor, you know I belong tb me i v. The citizens looked mystified, stared, and said.

dUwuBtedly: His Honor oat jwt the way with you broreas al whenever vou vt 4 argument yo drag la seme medieal trnr THE DIFFE RENOS. Peca.1 toionei n-ogeeter (of Paris, rranc)- nra ine ue is in my country, each man sends for his best friend to act as sC ona. is that th formula la Kentucky? uolonel Bluagud (of Parts. Kentucky) Well, hardly, suh. When the no la passed to Kentucky the survtTOr sjMsdt for his sat frtend are bell for aha, euh.

10 THEiCEa. IPwA "I tnaWkd Ik 1Kb 1ft Afrit-, said th Ptarea, -task, had abooratety ao Mea er anor- arrty ar "That's said th mDd luna- "but what did they far plftyar A SHORT FALL fPaea-l Mri. Church I hardly ever see Ton Backslid at church any more; he moat be -mg Mr. Church Wa. won't msca at thuarp.

wllh sMiSa tU tk Cofaatry rjktt Qatwaal 0 yoa call tt Vaa rWa drtva at a WB end mis nt Ortgdv-'t-hftt AapaBda da aaw autby aav 'cacai oa asftk YD meeting. "I have ba roquwtod." be said. "to apeak to th congregation about th purchase of ft chandelier (or our bouse of worship. I am sure It will only be necessary to mention thje. as you can all readily so that a handsome chandelier would be both useful and ornamental.

Now who will start a subscription for this purpose?" After waiting In vain for some on to vol-unteer. th pastor turned to Deacon Barlow, more familiarly known as vTJncie BL" "Deacon Barlow," be said, you are th richest man In th congregation. I am sure you will not refuse to give for such a praiseworthy object. TJncl SI hesitated a moment and then palled oat a hog leather wallet and ex tracted a five -dollar bill from its interior. "I hain't got no objection," he remarked, "to g-ivln' (5 to'ards glttln' a chandelier but what I want to know is who's coin' to play the dum thing." IT8 ENJOYABLE FIJIS.

Puckl Bennet Does Wtiteby's new play end happily Nearpass Ob. yes! An hour earUer than the average. CH008INQ THE LESSER EYIL. Puck-l She Why did you request Miss Basil to play that plee araln? He I noticed that each of her selection! were worse than the one that preceded It BACK IN THEIR OWN Mi IIL A WAR REMINISCENCE Truth. 1 The transport bad Just away.

The rlrls were drying their tear emd animated ly discussing someihln-. 'Such a lack of patriotism I never saw before. Simply awful! I bui Wiere she goes! now!" excitedly exclaimed one, as a girl with pale face and drawn lips walked by hke one In a dream. 'Te-H us about It, quick!" gasped another, watching the rvtreatinp fig-ure. 'Why, she only kissed one fellow all the time she was I h-r Just said 'cood-by and didn't even cry nor say 'Remember the e- ROUGH RIDERS.

(Judtre Good Boy Mother says I Can't go out on my bicycle this arternoon; I've got to stay In th house. Bad Boy Aw, shucks! Dat's de way wtd some women. Dey'd sooner have delr ktds grow up ter be reconcentrados dan rough riders. EH CONFIDENCE. Puck.

Friend Some men are remarkably un grateful after you have had them elected. The Boss Yes; th moment some men are elected they begin to think they did It themselves. oOftl. Si i or Albert (as Etheands aghast at hia pro posal of manias-It's rot to say as I too young. Wbym rolng into trousers neat week I 03 VIEW.

set "la there any ison for saylnc instead of 'O weeks? Tort "Don't know otiy except that it gets some people mix p. A TIL WOMAN. nek The Empreea Doger of China may nsrer have heard that ten a woman will she will, but those arer sentiments. COIN. JOwIC A mild old onoa; wished to effect tho salesbf a hprsi to a rich New Yorker.

The latter dldn wait the beast, and said so; still the Quaker urged him. At last the New Torker became Inpatient and exclaimed hotly: "I'll be hanged If I buy that horeel "Ah." said the Qiaker dryly, "if that Is all, let it not deter thee from a good for. In my opltlon, thee Is Just as likely to be hanged If Uee doesn't." Husband (great amateur tenort Hen It, M'rla, that's my song you want to sing. Wife (great amateur soprano) Never mind, no one will reeognlse It when I sing It. TT oh.

I "EVERY HERO HAS HIS DAY." Mrs. Hohmboddie Yes. but I am so terri bly afraid of them th very thought CrighV- lS ma and tt doe yu. to: I know aoaa. Mr.

Hohmboddi (phlloeopaicaUy) SU11. if you exist after death you'U be a spirlv-o icape for toil Mrs, Hohmboddie Please don't. John; you make th cold ahlrers run aown Mrs. Hohmboddi Why. my dear, wtoar your loaicT Etthr you cas to exist.

Mrs. Hohmboddie Tea. of course. Bat. if I ever do become a spirit I hope shall never know tt.

because I should be Just scared to death of myself. DISILLU3I0IED. Truth. 1 I stole a curl from Margnerlt From Marfuarit, my own, Aa trembling oo her forehead sweet. With tangled gold it shone.

I proudly placed It next my heart. My love with bar's to twin And ere I took my fond farewell I softly called her "mine," What was It mad my faith run out? What caused ray love to wane? You sea. It was a stormy night. And I got drenched with rain. 'Twes not my ruined overcoat That made me curse my fate! Alas, alas! When I got horn That golden curl was stralghtt THEORY Y3.

PRACTICE, Puck. "It seems to me." said the bachelor, -that would let the child's inclinations ovk- mine what he should eat. Let nature i him." "Humph said the child's father; we did that, his bill of fare would include matches and shoe blacking." A TASK TOR HERCULES. Puck "Some folks must think no Job is too big for Dewey." "What Is he expected to do now?" "Why. a temperance organisation has asked him to keep beer out of Manilla." CONSOLATORY.

rPuek.l Miss Sharps Believe in vegetarianism Why. I lore good beef! Cholly I wish I were beef, you know! Miss Sharps Never mind! You'U grow! IV. 8 RANTED. Puck She sat across fhe car from me, As fair and sweet a maiden As fondest dream could hope to see A tailor gown arrayed In; And I I gased as tho' bereft Of sense, until she darted A flashing shaft at me, and left Me dazed and bleeding-hearted. "Cupid!" cried "were e'er such charms' The world I'd ffiv to win It The Joy of holding in my arms That form one blessed She rose to go; the speeding car.

As tho it were enchanted. Stood still! Thanks. Cupid, for that ax! My plea was quickly granted! DOWN IN CUBA, Truth. The Senor How soon will dinner be ready? The Senora In half an hour. I Just planted It- OBLIGING.

tTruth.r Mistress Oh. and, Mary, we breakfast every morning at 8. Maid Very well ma'am. If I'm sot down In time, please don't wait. THE PoUAL THING.

(Jwin "Jocks is gotns: to Klondike for th of obtaining wealth enough to enable him to travel in Europe for his health. "Why. there isn't anything the matter wtth hi health, is there?" 'Not now; but there win be by th time be -et back from Klondike." IX LONEB0MEHURST, Judge. Dobson So tb factional fight is on again la th First Baptist Church? Hobson Yes; half the congregation are opposed to the new pastor. Dobson What has he been doing? Hobson Pleating the other half.

HOW IT LOOKED. tTuck.) Cltlaen Well, here is a nickel, but don't spend it for drink; go and get a meal with it! Beggar Tanks, General Citizen Why do you call ms General? Beggar Why, I reckon yeu must have bin a General of Commissariat In de late war I nJAJOIAL ENTERPRISE nek.l "FUz -Cooper is a close-fisted landlord." "Close-fisted? If he owned a haunted house hs would get a spiritual medium to collect the rent from the ghost." OUT OF THE SERVICE IJudae.) "Bo your engagement to the Lafayette-avenue millionaire's daughter Is off, eh? "Yes; I've been mustered out." aAa' aL Ik.1 at I TbbWSBKw Tk-e 1 a. Punch First Stu Jacket Well, matey, wot 'appened? Beoood Blue Jacket Leftenent, 'e reports ae "ow I were drrty, ao' my 'ammlck btoomin' neck, ecrab Is bloomln' face an' cut 'is bloomln' air mi 10 mlnnkta!" II F0R51YIJG MOOD. iui "Da yoo reoosrnU me, "I do 4." "I expected as much. I am the wretched aft wto esopod with your dauahter flv years age.

Take her Dock, ear, ana au forgiven." TOO ATTRACTIVE Pack. This," said th ostrich, bitterly. Just fore the hunter delivered the nnisning stroke; "this is another case of the fatal gift of beauty; fin feather oltn maa short-lived birds." THZ 1ATI0IAL WEAPON. Detroit IT rrs.l -Boa. de you believe that th Cuban colored people Uke yourself?" -tJa.

aaa. Ef dy tasea rassers km ar aaacbeu dea I tak some fca 8U are ck DESIRABLE ATTACHMENTS. lPock.1 "Theater as very aaxlaus for th nomine- rrea, WahtS a vindication. I understand." To Vtodioewoa wtth a salary aad EES FIRST TRIP ABROAD. root Ob, aa si iik I I'v bea la th sevaata heaven ever slae 10.

in ionoon Jawley I take exercise with a bicycle now, Hawley Really I I didn't know you rode. Jawley I don't, but my wife does and I pump the air xaany walked aa air. -I hope, my dear, that yoa aad yttf bers oar ABEIS1ELE MOTS. I Pack Mia Coheneteln by. moaeysla te bnral Cohens tain Nonsense.

caad teaar ssoMymal tadar. schlldl OUR imgTLESS OOLPMla, lladgaj 'hraw fapp4 tail ye. they de wan hi a worry taes xaay ooo't let drac slnna Ok tar a esatary asce. rarxeee- Yawp. they didn't have th bar bis papara ka aw lent taaa.

I0T DA1QER0IXL awiaur axtaU XMWtttaWasU Few IssMtasmaoiglU rub Why. a HI8 FEELING. (Pack.) "I don't play golf," remarked shrewd old Fstmer Horn beak; "but yet" Ho paused to csress his chin whisker, the while a dry grin wrinkled hia complexion. it makes me as tired as tunkett! "Marriage Is ft happy state, my dear but the unmarried are far the happier." "I wish to be airapty happy; and let those who prefer it be happier." GOOD DEFINITION. (Judge "What is th meaning of the word Insurgent, Tommy?" asked Miss Tome.

"An insurgent," replied Tommy, who had some reoent history in his mind, "la a chap who lets his friends do all the fighting." 7 wm be "Miss Tucker Seems to spend her evening In the supper room." 'Well, you see, she pretends to have btrfl-llke appetite; and It takes her half lid I fl i a. Vat I i dozen sittings to work properly through entire 1 sT im Ldk 1 o'V-V Jr. the menu." THE has up sa af aad ft pWadld tana aa my 1 4 boildays. ood ataala aad aaa -Whor wad att taiaf i 8 Into the tires! JD8T time roa It Horr as But when yeu got so tar Ks that the nlgkts were three montta ktsji must, nave oeea inoapreaaiDiy araarr. do yeu put In your iiro? Arctic txplorer Madame dereiet a eveninc to a gam of i tic4 Dune.

0IE OBJEOTI01. (Pu McLubberty Ol'd loikn to tak a amund the worruld. -A Mrs. McLubberty Sur; tbut sua foine! McLubberty Yls; but link av glttiu' borne ag'la! lv 111 (J GHA1ACTERIZEB. do you Rurallty How like your neighbors? uarainer well, tney are the kinJ -U pi whose lawn party la alwaji ehamnetre.

EN00CRAQEMEST. (Iwk) DlsgUktad Sportsman (after aneuW ts) Kver see such luck? Youthful Guide Oh! you Jest c4 tlce, mister. I wus Jest as rank a uci you meself wuast. ONLY A DREAM. Puok "Somebody says that 'Ambitiot'i jav haa no ton "That's so, and vary often It sat osj to lean agalnat." weren't ele an' Caprn.

HIS iOLOTIOI. Willi was greatly should be a best rr.rui to his own mind the -b "it's so If th gnim a aum oae te take hia t'- -o sal AH EXPLODED THE01I. r- Jaggles It Is rfmirki could go and gt 'll unit. tt aagies i is. ir.u-'.

i Ml BH supposea to know a I se it. THE EXCEPTION UM' ad. a married and settled T. a Farmer Hombeak -Au He has msrried and f.i in delpfata. USUAL WAY..