News-Press from Fort Myers, Florida • Page 37

INSIDE DearAbby2E Horoscopes 2E Day breaks 3E Calendar 4E Comics 5E TV6E NEWS-PRESS SECTION ILef TYL LIFESTYLES EDITOR: GENETTA ADAMS, 335-0561 (Monday Friday, 10 a.m. 6 p.m.) SATURDAY, DECEMBER 27, 1997; i vendor Sarasota's Marie Selby Botanical Gardens home to world-class orchid center Renew your relationship with change ONE THING THAT won't change this year is that there will be a surge of divorces filed after the holidays. People want to wait in order to feel a little less guilty and maybe get a tax advantage. There is a seasonal inclination to start the new year off right, divesting of those old problems that were dragging them down last year. So why not a new relationship as a way of starting over? "Brilliant," I say, "but you could just start over with the same person.

"TO; I I 'V' A. :1 And, this time get it right." Psychic mastery of old dysfunctional relationship patterns is achieved just as well by repetition with the old partner as it is with any new partner. Besides, courtship bliss is frightfully deceptive. What's new in i 1, Ml DR. WILLIAM MORROW Relationships 1 By MAUREEN BASHAW News-Press staff writer You can travel to England and pay a visit to Kew, The Royal Botanical Gardens in London.

Or, you can go to Sarasota, a little over an hour's drive from Fort Myers, and visit the Marie Selby Botanical Gardens. Either way you're likely be bowled over by the sights, especially the array of orchids in all the colors of a rainbow. But Selby Gardens has one up on Kew. It's the the world orchid identification center. And helping care for the thousands of orchids in these gardens is Jim Keen, Selby's orchid grower.

"They're coming in all the time," Keen says of the orchids. "We just got a collection of 50 or 70 from the Dominican Republic. We're the world's center for epiphytes." Epiphytes are plants, such as orchids and bromeliads, that grow on other plants without harming them. But it's not just the orchids that stand out at the 8'2-acre estate, which was willed to the Sarasota by Marie Selby, who died in 1971. It's the herb garden, the only place where you're encouraged to touch, even crush, leaves in your hand.

It's the fish pond where the brightly colored Japanese Koi emerge from lily pads to show off for visitors. It's the bamboo pavilion, the banyan grove, the fernery, the cycad display. It's the beds of red winter roses. "Gardens are collection oriented, like libraries," says Harry Luther, curator of all the living collections at Selby. "A lot of people come here just to check out certain plants and trees." And these gardens boast a mangrove forest.

A bayside pathway lined on one side with red, white and black mangroves and the other with seagrape captures the essence of Florida, before the bulldozers began to tear up the land. But in a clearing you can see sailboats in the bay, and the skyscrapers beyond. Around a bend, the roar of traffic on U.S. 41 drowns out the calls of the birds. "Sometimes it's difficult to believe this is right here on busy 41," says Gail Adkins, spokesperson for the gardens and the museum.

Many visitors mistake the museum, a grand, two-story Southern Colonial mansion, as the Selby home. Actually, the Selby home is a small, modest Spanish style house now used as a gift and book shop. It's nestled between ancient banyans and laurels, next to Nellie's, a deli on wheels, and nearby picnic tables and benches. It's a nice spot to stop for a coffee or soft drink or a light lunch. The mansion, sold to Selby Gardens in 1973, houses exhibitions of 18th, 19th and 20th century botanical illustrations.

But right now this old house is decked out in grand Victorian style for the holidays. It's part of the Junior League of Sarasota's Holiday Tour of Homes and stays Photos by MAUREEN BASHAW News-Press VICTORIAN SHOWCASE: One of the parlors at The Museum at Selby Gardens is decked out for the holidays through Jan. 3. The grand Southern Colonial style home, once owned by the Christy Payne family, is a showcase for rotating exhibitions of 18th, 19th and 20th century botanical illustrations. IF YOU GO iT I J.

i mile SARASOTA Sarasota jFruitville Bay Rd. a fresh relationship is frequently the same-old; we just don't see it until it's too late. Failed attempts at a new relationship are only a mystery if one is blind to hisher own inner clockworks. If this sounds like a pessimistic way to start off the year, it's because 1 stare at the divorce statistics for the past 12 months and get a little depressed. Hey, I and my worthy colleagues are working to stem the tide.

I personally am optimistic about what couples can do to renew the relationship they are now in. My suggestion is that disappointed mates can work at their relationships and that divorce usually is not the answer to marital conflict. There must be a point in our self-understanding where we can team rational thinking with the positive, if irrational, quality of persistent hope. It is hope that keeps people trying to find the "right" mate. I am always impressed with how much stronger the basic desire for companionship is, compared to the hurts and emotional pain that are incurred in breaking up.

It would be a worthy goal to achieve an enduring and satisfying relationship based on both smart thinking and the power of hope. But how to do it? We mortals greatly undervalue our ability to grow ourselves. We act as if our inner resources were depleted and that we finished learning about ourselves at age 18. Perhaps it is the disappointment in not finding the meaning of life in the partner that makes couples give up. I once saw a woman who was so disenchanted with her husband's New Year's resolutions that she was ready to leave.

She had on her running shoes. She was pretty cynical about "people" changing. She meant her husband. I couldn't resist telling her about emotional growth. OK, so maybe people don't exactly change.

But I believe they do grow and move toward becoming more of their real and lovable self. With a little motivation and courage, great discoveries are just ahead. Author Peter Kramer, in a new book titled "Should You Leave?" says the real question about leaving the old relationship and starting over should be put differently. When people come to him to work out their dilemma about an impending-divorce impulse, he asks them a question of his own: "Can you make the adjustment to not being with this present mate?" Now, the dissatisfied mate has to ask, "Can I myself change?" And this is the real question because leaving a long-standing relationship is not as easy as it might look. It means change and growth whether one leaves or stays.

If the woman in the running shoes hangs in there, I feel certain she will have a happy new year. Dr. Morrow is a licensed marriage and family therapist with a private practice in Lee County. Questions or comments may be addressed to him in care of the News-Press, P.O. Box 10, Fort Myers, FL 33902.

yiMvb Botanical XvVj, Gardens tC? iJ'E lhf WHAT: Marie Selby Botanical Gardens WHERE: 811 South Ave. in Sarasota HOW TO GET THERE: Take I-75 north to Exit 38. Go west on Bee Ridge Road to U.S. 41 then north to South Palm Avenue (on Bay). Turn left.

Gardens is on the right. About 75 miles from Fort Myers. HOURS: from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. every day except Christmas Day.

COST: Tickets are $8 for adults, $4 for children 6 to 1 1 Children 5 and younger free. Through Jan. 3 the museum at Selby Gardens in the old Christy Payne House is decked out in lavish Victorian furnishings and decorations as part of the Junior League of Sarasota's holiday Tour of Homes. Call (941) 366-5730. FULL SPECTRUM: Orchids in all the colors of a rainbow vie for attention among the thousands of plants in the greenhouse at the Marie Selby Botanical Gardens.

News-Press this way through Jan. 3. 1 It all begins with a huge cone-shaped tree of delicate red and green bromeliads on the walkway leading to the portico. A sleigh filled with toys stands on the portico and upon entering the front radiant with lights and ornaments. "This is just a great place to relax," says 17-year-old Jasmine Hoover, a volunteer docent who directs visitors to the main living room, the sitting rooms and a gallery.

Visitors are not allowed to climb the two stairways. Jasmine especially enjoys being in Sarasota during the holiday season. She explains that most of the antique furnishings, paintings and ornate decorations on mantles and trees are on loan during this exhibition of sorts by the Junior League. Day tripping JASMINE door you see a ceiling high tree in the main hall 'Anastasia' CD-ROM is a royal treat for youngsters Anastasia must find her grandmother, the dowager empress, in Paris. The keys to unlocking the mystery of her royal identity can be found throughout this enchanting adventure storybook.

Children will travel with Anastasia and Pooka, her puppy, from St. Petersburg to Paris to prove Anastasia's royal identity and defeat the evil Rasputin. Key features include: Games and activities: Children interact with their favorite characters in four 'activities that reinforce problem-solving and logic skills. Replayability: There are multiple options and outcomes for each activity, and various responses from each of the characters will entice children to return to the game. Explore Europe: Kids can take an exciting interactive journey through Europe; it's beautifully illustrated.

"Anastasia" also features original voice-over tracks from Meg Ryan, who stars as the title character's voice in the movie. 3.1 or higher and Macintosh. Rumored to be the last surviving member of Russian royalty, the Grand Duchess Anastasia was the fourth child and youngest daughter of Czar Nicholas II and his wife, Alexandra. Their days were spent in luxurious palaces and retreats, a far cry from their subjects, most of whom were peasant farmers living in poverty and crying out for a more democratic government. In the movie and CD-ROM, CD-ROM GAME WHAT: "Anastasia: Adventures With Pooka And Bartok," an interactive CD-ROM adventure based on the movie.

FOR: Pentium 90 or better PC; Performa 33Mhz or better Macintosh PRICE: About $34 By ROY BASSAVE Knight Ridder News Service On the heels of Twentieth Century Fox's animated feature film "Anastasia" comes Fox Interactive's "Anastasia: Adventures With Pooka And Bartok," an interactive adventure based on the film. The CD-ROM's game-play incorporates a variety of exploration, problem solving and skill testing. For children 6 through 10, the program now is available for Windows i i imu i in "i ii if i violence. 1994. 154 min.

Video and laser disc. Gritty dramatization of the urban drug scene focusing on a youth who balances school with his job as a heroin courier. Jackson plays his street-chess-playing father. VIDEOPHILE ACTION JACKSON: "Jackie Brown" star Samuel L. Jackson has been quietly amassing an impressive filmography for years, Earlier this year, he also FYI PIN-UP PUPPIES: The Pound Pets Calendar is a well photographed project that will benefit animal shelters and rescue groups across the nation.

Marie Staddon, an animal lover and photographer, traveled across the country to capture images of dogs in a winter wonderland, cats in the meadow and rabbits on the beach. To order, send $14.49 to: Marie Staddon Designs, P.O. Box 983 Manhattan Beach, CA 90266. Call (310) 798-0791 or fax (310) 937-9281. Also, visit www.poundpets.com.

TOP TICKET PADDLE THE PROTECTED WATERS: Get close to nature with the help of the Conservancy of Southwest Florida. The environmentally conscious organization is giving you a chance to paddle through Collier-Seminole State Park's mangrove-lined Blackwater River 8 a.m.-2 p.m. today starting from the Briggs Nature Center, six miles north of Marco Island, off S.R. 951, in the Rookery Bay National Estuarine Research, Naples. The cost is $15 for Conservancy members or $20 for nonmembers.

Registration is required. For details, call (941) 775-8569. Day breaks 3E TELEVISION BEST BET: "World of National Geographic: Season of the Cheetah," 9 p.m. on PBS. Speed, grace and skills for the quick kill are demonstrated in this special on the life of the big cats.

VCR ALERT: Mighty Ducks," 8 p.m. on NBC. Emilio Estevez has been sentenced to coach a team of misfit hockey players in the Junior Goodwill Games. TV listings 6E 1994. 112 min.

Video. "Losing Jackson plays the attorney who helps a former addict (Halle Berry) try to regain custody of her abandoned son from his adoptive par-ents (Jessica Lange and helped produce the impressive "Eve's Bayou." Here are some of his best movies: "Pulp Jackson outshines John Travolta as his exacting, philosophizing hitman partner in Quentin Tarantino's lurid, frenetic tribute to movie Dvid Strathairn). 1995. 108 min. Video.

1998 Pound Pets Calendar.