The Galveston Daily News from Galveston, Texas • Page 29

SUNDAY MORNING, MARCH 1, 1992 THE GALVESTON DAILY NEWS I3-B Playing games with guns can lead to deadly score By ABIGAIL VAN BUREN DEAR ABBY: Our 12-year-old daughter, "Meg," was shot and killed by a 13-year-old boy she had met only the day before. Meg was a friendly girl, an excellent student and well liked by her teachers and classmates. Well, Meg and her girlfriend, with whom she had spent the weekend, went walking with two brothers they had met the day before. They were 13 and 14. They walked to the boys' grandfather's to get candy.

The grandfather was out for a while, but the manager let them hi the apartment because he knew the grandsons. The cabinet where Grandpa keeps the candy was locked, so the boys pried it open and in that cabinet they found a loaded gun. After unloading and reloading the gun, the 13- year-old shot it out the front door. Meg told him to put the gun up or someone might get hurt. He playfully pointed the gun at her and it went off! Meg was killed instantly.

Abby, we feel a terrible sense of guilt. We taught our daughter how to run and scream if approached by a stranger, and what to do if someone offered her drugs or alcohol, but we never told her how dangerous guns were and how many people are accidentally killed every year by guns. I'll close with a statement that Meg's mother made at the trial of the boy who shot her: "People say that childbirth is the worst type of Dear Abby pain a woman can experience. Well, they're wrong. The pain of losing a child in death is a million times more painful." GRIEVING FATHER DEAR GRIEVING FATHER: My heart goes out to you.

I can't say, "I know how you feel" only those who have experienced that kind of tragedy can know how you feel. Read on for another gun story. Perhaps your letter and this one will make a difference in the life of someone who reads this column: DEAR ABBY: I have two sons; one is 5 and the other is 14. The boys play cops and robbers together with their toy guns, which they received at Christmas. run around the house with their guns yelling "bang-bang!" at each other.

One day last week I realized that I couldn't handle one more "bang-bang!" so I took the toy guns away from them. My younger son said, "Mom, that's not fair. We got those guns to play with. Girls get dolls and boys get guns. It's not fair." I replied, "You are not getting them back." The night before last, before I went to sleep, I put my pistol under my pillow as I always do and I went to sleep.

Being a single parent, home alone at night without a man in the house, I sleep with my gun under my pillow for the safety of myself and my children. When I awoke yesterday morning, I found my own gun barrel facing me in the hand of my 5- year-old son! He was repeating over and over, "Bang-bang, Mommie, bang-bang!" I froze, then carefully took the gun away from him. Abby, please print this as a warning, to all gun owners. Fortunately, this turned out to be a good learning experience. It could have been a tragedy.

CONCERNED SINGLE PARENT What teen-agers need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with their peers and parents is now in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, 111. 61054. (Postage is included.) COPVniGHT 1992 UNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE Staff photo by Jim Stotts Bali High band members win medals Ball High School band students recently won a variety of medals at a District 17 band competition at Brazosport High School. Winners include, front row from left: Virgil Sombito and Lucy DeLeon.

Second row: Melanie Garza, Meshelle Dillard, Kathy Ybanez and Zunita Morris. Third row: Felton Joseph, Erica Bolton, Consetta Villamil, Bryan Johnson and Jennifer Williams. Fourth row: Bias Garcia, Sonya Henry, Ricky Boening, Ruth Ann Turner and Jessica Martinez- Herlock. Fifth row: Joanna Mynslade. Back row: Katina Gulotta, Fred Lemire, Amber Parker and Tim McAllister.

Death not a taboo subject By DR. STEPHEN W. PONDER Special correspondent GALVESTON The death of a loved one evokes our deepest emotions. Our attitudes toward death and its meaning to us change as we pass through different stages of our lives. Talking about death is taboo in many families.

In fact, according 1 to a study of over 30,000 families of (now) young adults, one-third of these families never discussed the topic of death with their children when they were growing up. Another one-third discussed the subject of death with their children, but usually in an uncomfortable or negative light. Only one- third of the families talked about death with their children in an open and frank manner. 'The death of a grandparent is usually the first experience a child has with mortality. By the time a child reaches school age, a death will occur in the "average" family setting (aunt, uncle, cousin, grandparents) at a rate of one per year.

Although children witness literally thousands of deaths on television while growing up and play imaginary games where "dying" is often an outcome, most children are poorly prepared to cope with the turmoil, uncertainty and bewilderment brought about by a death in the family. Generally, a child's conceptualization of death passes through several stages. Most experts agree that children under the age of 3 years have? little understanding of the concept of death. By 3 to 5 years, most children will conceptualize death as a long sleep or journey (a temporary condition). Between the ages of 5 and 9, death becomes more personalized, some children will envision an angel while others may see death as an evil monster or bogeyman.

Children during this stage understand that death is final, but they also be- Stephen Ponder lieve that death can. be avoided. For example, many believe that if they can outrun the bogeyman they will be able to avoid their own deaths. Usually, by the age of 9 or 10, children develop the "adult" view of mortality. At this stage, they realize that death is a permanent biologic process that eventually happens to everybody.

Of course, the religious background of the parents will determine the context of many discussions about death and the concept of an existence after physical death. When possible, preparation for a death in the family should occur long before the loss occurs. This underscores the importance of talking about the concept of death with your children. The death of a pet (fish, bird, cat or dog) can serve to teach the child the concepts of life and death. Children in nursery school understand that a lifeless bird will not fly, or that a dead fish can't swim.

Describing death as "going to sleep" is not helpful for young children. Using the sleep analogy, the child might develop hidden fears of going to bed, thinking that he might die and "sleep forever." Without question, the death of a family member or relative places much greater stress on the child than the death of a family pet. But experiencing the death of a pet can form a foundation the child can use to cope with the finality of the death of a loved one. It is best to be honest with a child when a family member is near death. The child should be told that death may occur, even though may not fully com- prehend the reality of the situation.

Sending a child away to spend time with friends or relatives after a death has occurred can be a mistake. Not only does the child postpone the chance to deal with the tragedy when it occurs, but is removed from the strength and security of surroundings and immediate family. A natural question younger children will ask is whether they too will die, or if other loved ones will die soon. The answer should be reassuring, but realistic. The child should be reassured that needs will be cared for, but that no one really knows when they will die.

If adults cry while discussing the death of a loved one to a child, this can be a positive act, since the child (especially the older child or teen) is given permission to release emotions, as well. Most children as young as 4 years can have positive expert ences from attending the funeral of a loved one, if properly prepared. It is best to describe the service to the child and let decide whether or not to attend. At the funeral, an adult friend or relative not deeply involved with grieving should accompany the child and leave the service if it becomes necessary. A funeral can be a very negative experience for the child when all the adults are so preoccupied with grief that they ignore and isolate the child altogether.

If the child chooses not to attend the funeral, he may wish to visit the grave site at a later date. Stephen W. Ponder M.D. is as assistant professor of pediatrics at the University of Texas Medical Branch. CMS Band students win medals Central Middle School band students recently won several medals in solo and ensemble competition held at Brazosport High School.

Winners are, front, Melissa Ladd. Second row from left: Shadonna Bell, Tara Behfends, Catherine Mcr Adoo, Mandy Hempel, Alonna Sonnier, Stephanie Bowman and Amy Price. Third row: Caroline Leonard, Heather Page, Keith Harris, Justin Staff photo by Jim Stotts Boone, Ben Wellfisch, David Greene and Richard Glass. Back row: Kimberlynn Benham, Kelly Stiglich, Sean Lisse, Mark Pinard, Billy Rottner, Truman Glenn, Kelly Hejtmancik, Will Russell and George Hutto. Russell, Ladd and Hejtmancik won bronze solo medals, and Pinard, Truman, Harris and Hejtmancik combined efforts for a bronze ensemble medal.

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Don't Be Next! Let us protect your vehicle with an auto alarm from PCS Telecom S. Audio. Call or come by one of our two convenient locations: code Alarms I anSBIstSt. Suite 101 A.Galvegton 740-3003 Excalibur Clifford 2921 Palmar Texas City 945-4486 REMINDER TO G.I.S.D. PARENTS EARLY DISMISSAL DAY Tuesday, March 3rd Students in grades Kindergarten 4 will dismiss at 1:15 p.m.

Students in grades 5-12 will dismiss at 1:45 p.m. Teacher Inservice will begin immediately following student dismissal. Galveston Independent School District.